This is the first post I’ve written in probably close to two years. In those two years, I’ve been busy–overwhelmingly busy being what I always wanted to be more than anything else–a baby mom. I tried to keep my blog going after our fourth child joined us, and I stuck with it until he was around 6 months old. Then, of course, I reached the wall of SOMETHING HAS TO GIVE. It was my blog I gave up, and I went back to focusing solely on my babies.
Fast forward two years and things look so different these days. I took an uninterrupted shower this morning. I drank my coffee while it was still hot. And I still can’t believe it–just this afternoon I taught my two big boys how to switch their clothes from the washer to the dryer. Mind blown! I’m beginning to see signs of self-sufficiency and independence, and it’s a beautiful thing. Mind you, my children are still very young and quite needy, but at 7, 5, 4, and 2, the reality is, I’m not really a baby mom anymore.
You’d think this would be cause for celebration. Hooray! I made it through the baby years! I’m so close to being able to throw away the 200 sippy cups and plastic bowls all over our house! I can almost get in the van without strapping anyone else in! Of course these things are amazing and I love that we’re almost there. But it also makes me so very SAD. I loved the baby years. More than that, I loved BEING a mom of babies. It was who I was-I was a baby mom. It was what I hoped for as a kid when I’d think about my future.
But time passes, seasons change, phases come and go and some are gone for good. My oldest just turned 7 last week. SEVEN! We are in unchartered territory. Is it just me or does it feel different when your kids hit elementary school age? Gone are the days when a walk around the neighborhood was a whole days’ worth of excitement and a container of puffs could fix anything. Don’t get me wrong. It was HARD. I’m not seeing it through rose-colored glasses. I’m just realizing that those days are mostly gone and I’m missing them already.
I’m writing this because last night I stayed up way too late watching our whole file folder full of videos of the past seven years. Our babies through the years. I went to bed sad, woke up sad, and then (in my uninterrupted shower) I realized that whether I like it or not, THIS IS THE NEXT PHASE OF MOTHERHOOD. They truly do not stay little forever. When I think about my baby not being a baby anymore, I could literally burst into tears. But this is life. This is being a mom.
It’s kind of ironic that I’m writing this today on my blog called A Time to Freeze. I chose this name when I was deep in the trenches of babyhood because I liked that it was sort of a play on words–a mix of freezer cooking and loving the stage you’re in. Well, I haven’t done freezer cooking in over two years. (How have we eaten? I don’t know). And I totally get it now, more than I did just a few years ago–no matter how much you might want to, you absolutely cannot freeze time.
But savoring each season, now that is definitely possible. That’s what’s next for this mama…reluctantly yet gracefully relinquishing my grasp on babyhood and moving on to the next season. I am determined to grow with the needs of my ever-growing kids, to savor all their growing up years. And I suppose I’ll change as they change.
What does this mean for this blog? I don’t actually know. I don’t have a plan just yet. There’s so much that I’d love to share, and maybe the time is right to get back at it. I just know I love being a mom, and I love to write, and I know someday the two might converge.
Anyway, if you’re new here or just haven’t heard from me in a while, I’ve just been busy wiping bums and packing lunches and sweeping my floor 10 times a day. Blogging today is so different than it was even a few years ago when I first started, but I know that it does create these really cool spaces where you can find support and encouragement and that sense that someone else understands what you’re going through. I’m all for creating that kind of space here and I’d truly love to hear from you if that’s something you’re seeking.